


The Gang Gets a New Member

by drhorrible (angelaofthelord)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: F/M, M/M, post-12x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-05 17:59:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelaofthelord/pseuds/drhorrible
Summary: After Dennis leaves the gang needs a new member, and Mac needs a new roommate. They decide to hold auditions for their potential new member.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so! i haven't written a multi-chapter thing in a loooong while and i very rarely write fic as it is, but i was really inspired and this kept growing and here we are. i cannot promise anything close to regular updates.

The day after Dennis left the gang opened the bar and hung out like usual but they were all aware of how different and uncomfortable the bar was with one person missing. Mac thought that they were all probably just waiting for Dennis to walk back in the door and shout, “faced” at them all. That was what he was doing. There was no way Dennis had _actually_ left, right? You didn’t just move to fucking North Dakota on a whim. Where had he even gone? The airport was miles away, so Dennis couldn’t have just walked there. And he definitely didn’t come back to the apartment to pick any of his stuff up. Mac was certain that he didn’t come back because he had lain awake all-night; unable to sleep when he was all alone in an apartment that suddenly felt huge yet suffocating at the same time.

Mac was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that the others were arguing; he only looked up when Charlie threw a lime at his head.

“Have you even been listening to us dude?” Charlie asked, tilting his head and squinting at him.

“Not really, I’m tired as shit I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

No one expressed any sympathy but they did all give each other the kind of looks that Mac hated, like they all knew something he didn’t. 

“Well pay attention now boner, this is important.” Dee said, throwing yet another lime at him. “We need a new member and we’re trying to decide who.”

Yes a new member! That was the perfect plan to pick him up, and maybe the new member could be Mac’s new roommate as well, sorting all his problems at once. It would mean sacrificing the gym but he thought he could deal with that if it meant not having to live in a silent apartment any longer.

“But who are we going to invite in the gang, we don’t know that many people?” Mac asked them, mentally running through their list of friends. They could ask Schmitty but that didn’t work out so well last time, and Mac suspected he wouldn’t be a good roommate either.

“Well _I_ suggested Artemis but apparently she’s not allowed because Frank banged her, and that’s too much baggage for the group dynamic. Which is bullshit.”

“We couldn’t have her anyway because we already have one useless chick and that’s you! It’ll throw the whole balance off if we add another girl, and I am not living with a girl.” Mac argued, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular.

“Who said anything about living with her?” 

“Well I need a new roommate and whoever this new member is they need to fit seamlessly into the role that is left open. Which means we need a guy who can be the ‘looks’ of the gang and live with me.”

The three of them looked slightly suspect but they do relent and agree that Mac was right, which of course he was. Frank was the one who spoke next with a plan.

“How about we all find a potential new member and we can have them battle it out?”

“Oh shit like a wrestling tournament?” Charlie said excitedly, Mac agreed and privately started imagining a parade of beefcakes wrestling for the honour of being his roommate.

“No you idiot more like when we did that billboard thing but with less banging the candidates” Frank replied – giving Mac a meaningful look as he did.

“Like auditions!” Dee exclaimed, “This will be perfect, I’ve got a lot of experience with this type of thing, I’ll be able to find us the perfect new member.” Dee had that look in her eye that she got whenever she talked about acting or comedy or some other shit that she thought she was amazing at, but was in fact terrible.

It was Mac that interrupted this time.

“No, we’re all going to audition them together. We have got to stick together as a team and make sure whoever we let into the gang and my apartment is going to fit with us and preserve the integrity of the gang.” He could feel his voice getting louder and squeakier but he didn’t care.

He could feel his weird swirling feelings reflected on his friends’ faces, he knew they were all thinking of Dennis and how he didn’t think about the integrity of the gang or the bar before he abandoned them all. Dee spoke first. She looked the least upset out of all them, in fact she looked more determined and put together than Mac thought he’d ever seen her.

“Okay fine. How about we all have to find a potential member within the week and then next we’ll hold auditions and ask them questions and stuff? Like what they’d do during a scheme or how to get us out of a jam?”

There was a moment of silence that would have usually been filled by Dennis’ mocking laugh, which was the signal to Mac and Charlie to start berating Dee. Instead Charlie just looked at Mac and then Dee and answered for all of them.

“Good plan Dee. Maybe we can even get this new member to do some Charlie Work.”

“We have to stick to the roles though Charlie. Or else the whole gang falls apart.” Mac argued. Charlie just shrugged.

“Sure, sure.” 

Mac rolled his eyes, not wanting to argue with Charlie any further. He could feel himself starting to get hot. 

“I’m going out.” He announced suddenly. 

“But we’re open!” Dee shrieked.

“I’ve got to walk to the gym! We don’t have a car now remember?” He shouted back, thinking back to the RPG and the wasted rocket and the smoking wreck that was Dennis’ car. He rolled his shoulders and tried to shake off the hot feelings creeping up on him again. Mac didn’t listen to his friend’s replies as he walked, just tried to focus his racing mind on finding a new member and a new roommate. 

* * *

 Dee watched Mac go, not because she particularly cared, but rather for something to do. Mac had been alternating between silence and explosive outbursts all day and frankly she was glad he was gone so she wouldn’t have to deal with him. She knew that this whole mess would come down to her to fix, because between Charlie and the Waitress, Mac’s pining, and Frank’s usual insanity, Dee was the only rational one left between them. Not that the rest of the gang would ever see it that way.

They had all been on board with her plan though, which was a rare enough occurrence that it left a strange fluttering feeling in her chest. There hadn’t even been one mention of her being a bird yet – although Mac had called her a whore when she wouldn’t give him a lift into work. But still, it was nice.

Dee wasn’t sure why she didn’t really care that Dennis had left, or why she didn’t care that she apparently had a nephew, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on that. Charlie and Frank had disappeared while she was thinking, but she wasn’t worried about the bar. The regulars knew the drill. She had a new gang member to find, and this one was going to be on Dee’s team at all times. 

* * *

Charlie had gone down to the basement as soon as Mac had left, and Frank had retreated into the office. Everyone was acting crazy and it was Dennis’ fault, he’d even affected the Waitress.

He sat on the steps and stared at the floor and tried to make sense of everything that had happened the past couple of days. Charlie had had sex with the Waitress and according to her it hadn’t been that bad. He wasn’t sure if he believed her or not but he found he didn’t really care if she enjoyed it or not. There wasn’t much he was sure of right now. The Waitress wasn’t the Waitress anymore. Suddenly everything he thought he loved her about her was twisted and _wrong._

Maybe if he just stayed down here and got high she would forget about him and he could love her again. Loving the Waitress was all he knew. It was safe and stable and _good_ and Charlie didn’t understand how he had ruined it. It hadn’t been like this after he banged Dee. He still looked at her the same, she was shrill and delusional but good company and occasionally funny.

Charlie realised then that Dee would probably know why the Waitress had changed so suddenly, and she might even help him now that he and Mac had listened to her plan. He’d find a new member and then Dee would fix the Waitress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just the setting the scene, i think the chapters from here on out will be switching perspectives. 
> 
> next chapter is mac! and i think we all know who his pick for the gang member will be.
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.betanoiz.tumblr.com)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/drh0rrible)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac finds his pick for the new gang member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mac's chapter! and some smut ayyyy

It didn’t take Mac long to figure out who would be the perfect replacement for Dennis. 

As Mac was walking in the direction of the gym he was wracking his brain for friends that would make a good bartender/roommate. He didn’t really want to invite a stranger in to the gang, it was exhausting starting from fresh and most people couldn’t keep up with their awesome schemes. However their extended friendship group was not that large, and most of them had beef with them.

However when he got to the gym Mac had an awesome idea. Whilst he was allowing himself a couple of minutes to admire the beefcakes from the window, he spotted Rex at one of the weight machines. Of course! It was perfect. Rex could easily be the looks of the group, and he didn’t have any beef with the group. There was the whole thing with the cult but Rex had always been forgiving. He’d still gone along with schemes after Frank had made him eat cockroaches after all. The only potential problem was that Dee had already banged him, but if Mac was being honest with himself it would be almost impossible to find a guy in the whole of South Philly that Dee hadn’t slept with. Especially if they were hot and easily manipulated.

Either way Rex was perfect. He’d be an amazing roommate too, and Mac would probably tack on so much mass by just being in the same room as him. So before he had chance to talk himself out of it, Mac had snuck past the receptionist and was power walking over to his target.

Rex didn’t notice him as he walked up, so he shouted over.

“Hey yo!”

Rex looked up and grinned. Mac felt himself smile back without thinking and he then realised he’d been frowning all day, and he felt immediately lighter.

“What’s up man?” Rex said as he finished his rep and put the weights down.

“Nothing much. I didn’t know you came to this gym.”

“I’ve only just started here! It’s pretty cool.” Rex wiped his forehead with his shirt after he replied, treating Mac to a view of his perfectly chiselled abs.

Mac felt hot, but he wasn’t angry this time. Being out had been awesome so far, but standing here so close to a guy as hot as Rex in an everyday situation was still not easy. This wasn’t a strip show. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act. He decided to just power through with what he came over to discuss.

“Yeah definitely, I’m here all the time. I mean the bar and my apartment is really close to here.”

“Isn’t Dee’s place the other side of town?” Mac was confused at this reply until he remembered that Rex had been there the second time the apartment burnt down.

“Oh I’m back at my old place now,” Mac said casually, “that’s what I wanted to talk about. We’re kinda down a gang member and I’m down a roommate and I was wondering if you were interested.”

Rex was still smiling, and Mac was thankful he didn’t question why they were missing someone.

“My lease is actually up soon so that’d awesome, and you guys are pretty cool.”

“Really? That’s awesome. Um I mean we’re doing an audition thing first so it might not be certain but you can come by and check out the apartment if you want?” Mac thought this might spook Rex but he just pulled out his phone from the pocket of his insanely tight workout pants and offered it to Mac.

“Cool, we should swap numbers then.”

Mac took the phone and smiled at the background picture of a puppy. He added his number and texted himself.

“We can check out your place after we’re done working out if you’re free?” Rex suggested, and Mac immediately agreed. He wasn’t sure if the apartment was clean but Mac doubted Rex cared. He was so laid back it was amazing, Mac didn’t feel the itch to shout or hide away – the two main feelings he had with Dennis.

The two of them continued their work out until they were breathing hard and sweating. Rex had pushed him into working more on his core and it was hard work but it burned good, like the first sip of whiskey in the morning. Rex threw his arm onto Mac’s shoulders as they walked towards the locker room, and the heavy weight felt right – even with the tacky, sweaty skin. He was worried for a moment about showering next to Rex before he realised he didn’t even have any clothes to change into, so he could use that as an excuse to shower at home. 

“You did good today man, hope I didn’t tire you out?” Rex asked before he left to shower. Mac scoffed.

“Of course not man, I’m tough. You know me.” Apart from the way his muscles were still trembling at least. Rex just smiled and left him in the hallway. Mac definitely didn’t stare at his ass as he walked away.

* * *

 They had chatted the whole way over, about work out routines and movies and creatine shits. Rex’s favourite movie was Top Gun (which was in Mac’s personal top five), and although he hadn’t seen any of the Predator movies he could definitely reinstate Friday night movie night. Rex’s shoulder bumped against his a few times as they walked, and Mac liked the contact. Dennis hadn’t really had any sense of personal space either so it didn’t bother Mac.

Rex was still chattering to him as they walked in the apartment, and Mac quickly checked to see if there was anyone there. But there wasn’t. Of course.

Mac was going to give Rex a tour but he hadn’t fixed up the second room yet and he didn’t want Rex to think that Dennis’ room was his. 

“Um your room is empty at the minute, so there’s no point looking in here. But yeah. This is it!” Mac announced awkwardly, gesturing around himself.

“It doesn’t look much different than before the fire.” 

Mac shrugged, he didn’t really feel like explaining his decorating choices again, but at least Rex didn’t seem to hate it. He felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, with both of them standing silently. He was just about to offer Rex a beer when he felt strong hands gripping him and guiding him gently backwards.

Rex pushed him against the door of Den- _his_ room and kissed him slowly and deeply. It was a dirty kiss that didn’t leave Mac room to think and his body responded automatically, immediately gripping Rex’s hair with one hand and his waist with the other. They stood there for a few minutes, gripping and kissing each other. Mac pulled away when he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore; dizzy in a way he’d never been before. He realised with a start that this was the first time he had actually kissed a dude. Suddenly he was very angry that he’d been wasting so many years on girls.

“Um. Not that that wasn’t amazing, but. What the fuck.”

Rex laughed at his stumbling words.

“I thought this is why you wanted me to ‘check the apartment out’? I’ve been here a ton before I know what it looks like.” 

Mac hadn’t even thought about that. Maybe he had been thinking that.

“Oh. Yeah. I mean I did you want you to check it out. A-and I did just get it done up.” Mac was very aware of Rex’s thumb stroking his jaw. “But this is a brilliant idea.”

Rex grinned. He stepped closer and as he dipped down to kiss Mac again he pushed open the door to the empty bedroom. Mac stumbled backwards and broke the kiss, and before he could do anything Rex was manhandling him again, walking him backwards until his back hit the wall. They were kissing again, less deep this time but just as heated. Rex’s hands roamed Mac’s body, heating his skin where they lingered.

Mac was cupping Rex’s face, in what he hoped was an intimate gesture. Rex dipped his hands lower and palmed his ass, and he pulled their bodies tight together. Their crotches pressed against each other and Rex grinded against him slowly, the simple gesture feeling so overwhelming and amazing that Mac couldn’t help but moan against Rex’s lips. Rex smirked and nipped gently at his bottom lip. Mac squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the sensations – it was hitting him again that he was _finally_ hooking up with a guy and it was amazing but he’d never felt like this before and it was almost too much.

Before he could spiral into his thoughts any further Rex grabbed his thighs and pushed him up the wall, supporting Mac’s weight with no visible strain.

“Holy fuck that’s badass.” Mac whispered before he could stop himself. Rex chuckled and kissed him softly, which wasn’t what Mac wanted right now. He yanked at Rex’s hair and deepened the kiss, while grinding his hips trying to get some more friction on his rapidly hardening cock. Mac wrapped his legs around Rex’s waist, kicking his shoes off in the process.

“You’re so fucking hot. I can’t believe this is happening” Mac babbled, he didn’t care if he sounded like a pussy this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

“You’re hot too Mac. Real fucking hot. Been waiting for you to make a move forever.”

Mac didn’t reply, not wanting to ruin the mood by asking how exactly Rex knew he was gay because he hadn’t seen him since he came out. Maybe it was the gaydar thing. He’d have to ask later.

Rex lifted him away from the wall and towards the bed; he dropped Mac on the bed and pulled off his shirt. And there were the abs again. Mac scrambled to get his shirt off, but his fingers were clumsy and he felt so awkward compared to Rex’s easy grace. Mac swore under his breath. Rex must have heard him because he climbed on top of Mac and moved his hands away from his clothes, pushing them above his head instead. He kissed Mac and grinned at him.

“What’s wrong man? Are you okay?” 

Mac avoided his eyes.

“It’s my first time.” He mumbled. God, he hadn’t even thought about coming out meant being a virgin all over again. Fuck. And he actually cared this time. This wasn’t Dennis’ ugly whore prom date; this was Rex who was a prime beefcake. Who smiled at him a lot. 

“First time bottoming? I mean I switch but I thought you were a bottom?”

Mac opened his mouth to argue back, he was gay but he was a top cause he was _badass,_ but then he guiltily remembered the box of prototype dildos for the Asspounder™ that laid in a box under the bed. There was a warmth in his stomach that was triggered by Rex’s words, and it almost distracted him from his nerves. 

“No, um. First time. With a guy.” He announced. Rex looked slightly confused but didn’t comment. He kissed Mac deeply again, and bit his lip lightly. The desperation that he had been feeling earlier was starting to come back, and as Rex pulled his shirt off him Mac pulled him close, holding his neck and the back of his head and using one leg to pull together their crotches. They were tangled together and Mac felt his head spinning, but in a good way this time. Rex pulled away again and Mac groaned.

“Look we don’t have to fuck. What do you want to do?” he asked. Mac answered with thinking. 

“Mouth stuff. Uh I mean, let me suck you off?” He knew he didn’t sound sexy but he wasn’t bothered, he’d gotten this far on his natural charms.

“Yeah. Fuck. Of course.” Rex answered, and he untangled himself from Mac.

They both quickly got rid of the rest of their clothes, and Mac stood in shock for a moment looking at Rex. He really was perfect, there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him and Mac had been right. That was a bird that had _not_ quit.

Mac pushed Rex down onto the edge of the bed, briefly enjoying the height advantage on Rex, before getting down onto his knees. Before he could get himself worked up again, Mac ran his fingers along Rex’s length before gripping it fully with one hand. He moved his hand up and down experimentally; it wasn’t an unusual sensation – god knows he’d been jerking himself off for long enough – but this was still wildly different. Rex stroked his hair gently and Mac grinned, he twisted his wrist and swiped his thumb over the glistening head. He could hear Rex’s breath speed up as he did this, and Mac felt badass. 

Spurred on by Rex’s reaction, Mac leant forward and licked the head of Rex’s cock. He wasn’t bothered by the taste, and so he leant forward to take more in his mouth. It was a satisfying weight and without thinking Mac was pushing himself further down, the hand in his hair was tightening as Mac bobbed his head faster. He couldn’t fit all of Rex in his mouth, which was frustrating, but he worked the base with one hand and ran the other over the muscles of Rex’s lower stomach. Rex was murmuring encouragements as Mac experimented with his touches, and although he wasn’t sure what he was doing he was having so much fun.

Mac was achingly hard but he didn’t want to touch himself because he knew he’d probably shoot as soon as he did. He wanted this to last as long as possible, but if the way Rex was tugging at his hair was any indication he wasn’t far off. Even though his jaw was aching, Mac powered through – he was going to make Rex lose his mind if it was the last thing he did. With renewed energy Mac focused on the leaking cockhead, laving it with his tongue whilst he continued to jerk Rex off.

“Mac. Fuck. I’m gonna blow.” Rex warned him. Mac wasn’t sure what to do but he hated cleaning up jizz so this would just be easier.

He gripped Rex’s thighs and pushed down as far as he could, Rex pulled his hair and held him in place as he came with a shout. It was a strange sensation but Mac was into it. Rex was stroking his cheek again, and Mac pulled off and dared to look up for the first time and saw him smiling down, and he looked blissed out. 

“Come here.” Rex said softly.

Mac stood up, his legs shaking, and Rex pulled him down so Mac was straddling his legs. Immediately Rex was touching him, he grabbed Mac’s cock with no hesitation and moved his hands expertly. His hips were moving unconsciously, and Mac had to hold onto Rex’s broad shoulders to steady himself. He buried his face in the crook of Rex’s neck, and screwed his eyes shut. 

“Fuck Rex. Fuck.” 

He was right, he knew that he was close before Rex even touched him and now he was going to come embarrassingly fast. Rex was too good. He squeezed with just the right tightness and Mac was gone, he came hard, splattering those perfect abs with his jizz. 

Mac was dazed for a second, the haze of his orgasm making it hard to find his words.

“Woah.” Mac kissed Rex softly. “That was amazing man.”

Mac got off Rex’s lap and flopped back onto the bed, and he watched as Rex cleaned himself off with his shirt. At least he didn’t have to get up and find some tissues. He was exhausted suddenly. Rex lay on the bed next to him and slung an arm around his waist, and the warmth was nice.

“You still want me as your roommate?” Rex asked casually. Mac laughed.

“Of course. But you can’t do that at the audition.”

“I won’t.” Rex winked and looked ridiculous, but Mac laughed anyway. A thought occurred to him suddenly, thinking about the audition.

“Did banging Dee turn you gay?” he asked. As he said this Rex looked at him like he was joking for a second, but when he didn’t say anything else Rex laughed. 

“No dude, I’m bi.”

“No ones really bi though, it’s just college girls.” Mac said, confused.

“It’s a real thing bro what are you talking about? I like guys and girls.” 

Mac frowned. Dennis had always said that it was just something girls did to get attention, but Rex seemed to be convinced and surely this was proof. He still wasn’t sure but then again he was new to the gay lifestyle, there was probably a ton he didn’t know. There was so much to learn.

“Okay fine, I believe you. As long as you still wanna bang me its cool.” Mac finally said.

“Trust me Mac there’s a ton I want to do to you.”

The innuendo in his voice threatened to get him horny again, but he was way too tired at this point.

“I’m gonna hold you to that bro.” he laughed. “Do you want to stay? I gotta sleep. You tired me out today.”

Rex agreed and got under the covers with him. Mac was the little spoon and it was good, but as he drifted off to sleep he tried not to think about how this still felt like Dennis’ room and they were just intruding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna be disappointed if we don't get some mac/rex content in the next season. cmon rcg do me a solid.
> 
> i hope you liked this chapter, i'm struggling a bit with tone and stuff - tbh i'm not really a writer and i never will be, i just wanted to get these ideas out there. but! as long as its not terrible and cringey its all good. i'm trying to go for a balance between funny and emotion? 
> 
> next chapter is dee and charlie!
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.betanoiz.tumblr.com)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/drh0rrible)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee locates her pick for the new gang member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who thought that it'd be a good idea to write a multi chapter fic for the first time in years whilst i'm trying to finish my degree aka the most stressful period in my life ever? me! cause i'm an idiot. sorry if this seemed like a bit of a wait, and i hope its worth it.

When Dee left the bar she pulled out her phone and tried to call Artemis, but it went straight to voicemail. She wasn’t surprised; Artemis had always just sort of … appeared when she wanted to hang out with Dee. It was cool and mysterious but it was also annoying as fuck when you needed to get a hold of someone and they had an image of an untamed enigma to maintain.

As she walked to her car, she tried to think about who the others would pick as the new gang member. Usually she would have predicted Charlie running straight to the Waitress, but there was little chance of that happening now. Not that the Waitress would want to be part of the gang anyway, she thought to herself. It was unsettling that the one constant surrounding Charlie was now up in the air. Dee wouldn’t call herself a master manipulator, but she was a hell of a lot better at manipulating and understanding the gang than anyone else. She’d managed to make Dennis to think he’d gotten her pregnant after all. But now … now everything had changed and she had no idea what the fuck was going on. 

It was all Dennis’ fault. At least she was sure of that. 

Mac, at least, was predictable at heart. She knew that he was pining for Dennis, which was annoying on a regular day, but now that he was out for good and Dennis had ran away Mac was going to be insufferable. Dee was sure he would pick some ditzy beefcake or some twink with curly hair. Either one would be easy enough to vote out; she doubted someone like that would be up for their schemes. All that she’d have to deal with was Mac being needy and she’d been doing that for years. At least he was out of her apartment now. Sleeping in between Mac and Dennis for the better part of a year had been one of the most excruciating things she’d experienced.

Dee shuddered involuntarily. She climbed into her car and tried Artemis’ phone once more before driving off. Still no answer.

So yeah. Mac would be easy. Frank was the one thing she could never predict, and honestly not understanding the way Frank’s brain worked was probably a good thing. Dee was just banking on Frank’s pick being way too out there for the rest of them. She knew neither her nor Mac would want to hang out with any of the bridge folk but Charlie was a wild card in that area. But if Frank picked a hooker rather than someone from the bridge, then no one would want her in the gang. Mac had insisted it had to be a guy because he wanted a new roommate, but surely he couldn’t believe anyone would listen to him. 

She pulled her car haphazardly into a space outside Artemis’ building, ignoring the beeping coming from the ugly car she’d cut off. Dee hoped that her friend was in, but even if not Artemis would have alcohol and she could just hang out and get blasted. She was not in the mood to go back to the bar, and she didn’t trust that her apartment would be empty.

Whatever happened with the new member, Dee wanted to make sure that she came out on top. There was no way she was going to be the butt of the gang’s jokes anymore. With Dennis out of the picture Charlie and Mac would be unsure, and she wouldn’t have Dennis over her shoulder judging her and mocking her. She felt unrestrained and determined. Sweet Dee was going to be the new leader of the gang and she was going to finally flourish.

Dee felt good and confident when she made her way up to Artemis’ in a way she hadn’t in a long time. After knocking a couple of times on the door it swung open to reveal Artemis in a long, colourful kimono and her underwear.

“What’s up slut?”

Dee grinned and pushed her way in to the apartment.

“You would not believe the shit that’s been happening the last few days. What booze do you have?”

“I just made a pitcher of mojitos, or there’s a case of beer in the fridge, help yourself. Do you want to go out? I was planning on tearing shit up tonight.”

Dee poured herself a mojito (which just turned out to be rum and lemon-lime Gatorade but still tasted pretty good). She flopped down onto the sofa and gulped down half her drink. Artemis had disappeared into her room but Dee carried on the conversation.

“Oh yeah for sure. I really need to blow off some steam.”

“What happened then? Give me the goods. Did you guys finally murder someone?” Artemis asked as she reappeared; now wearing a long sleeved swing dress. The sincerity of Artemis’ question made Dee laugh. 

“May as well have for all the shit that’s happened! First of all Dennis tells us he has a kid and his baby mama is dropping by for a visit and she thinks his name is Brian. And we all come up with plans to help him right? It works and she’s off to whatever backwater town she came from, but Dennis suddenly decided that he wanted to be a dad! Him! A dad!” Dee was laughing as she said it, but it sounded harsh. She finished her drink and poured herself another.

“So he fucked off to North Dakota and we blew up his car. But now we’re down a bartender and a gang member, Mac is upset but won’t admit it, and somehow Charlie managed to bang to waitress at some point?”

“ _Shit_ you weren’t kidding. That is a lot.” Artemis took a sip of her drink and looked thoughtful. “How the hell did Charlie get that skank in bed?”

“It was some kind of baby scheme I think, but I honestly don’t know. The craziest part is Charlie is suddenly waking up to what a bitch she is and she’s being super clingy.”

This last statement made Artemis snort with laughter.

“You can’t make this shit up!”

“Right?”

Dee thought about everything that had happened, it _was_ a lot. But their lives were insane at the best of times, why was this such a big deal? Maybe it was because her twin brother had left, but if she was being honest Dee was more bothered by having to deal with Mac and Charlie than the disappearance of Dennis.

“Anyway, we need a new bartender and a gang member and I thought you’d be perfect. You up for it?” Dee asked. She hadn’t considered Artemis refusing but she was suddenly worried – who else could she ask if this fell through? Luckily Artemis didn’t let her down.

“Sounds like a riot, of course I’m up for it. I don’t know if Frank would like me around so much, he gets weird about shit like that but fuck him.”

“Yeah. Fuck him. And screw the others guys too, if you get in the gang it’s gonna be me and you ruling shit.”

Artemis hummed noncommittally, which was as good as an agreement.

“You will need to audition though, but you’ll beat what ever losers the others drag in, hands down. There’s no one else who understands our shit better than you, you’ll walk it.”

“Of course I will.” Artemis agreed. “Now are we getting hammered or not?”

* * *

 

Dee crept into her apartment in the early hours of the morning, before realising that she didn’t have any whiny roommates to baby any more. She laughed and slammed the door – just because she could. As she stumbled through the hall, turning on lights as she went, Dee noticed a lump on the sofa. It took her a moment to see through her drunken haze that the lump was a person, and it was a testament to how much alcohol she had consumed that she didn’t scream. Instead she behaved like a rational person and kicked the lump.

“Wh – what’s going on? Dee? Where have you been?” the lump said drowsily as it rolled off her couch. She realised now that the lump was Charlie.

“Charlie? Why are you here?” she shouted. Charlie was trying and failing to untangle himself from the blanket.

“Jeez Dee there’s no need to scream at me, it’s the middle of the night.”

“I don’t care! You broke into my apartment!”

“Uh it’s not breaking in if you have a key.” Charlie argued. Dee realised that Dennis and Mac both had their keys and she hadn’t managed to get them back yet. Fuck.

“That still doesn’t answer my question. Why are you here?” She regretted asking as soon as Charlie groaned and pulled at his hair. Dee did _not_ sign up to be counsellor.

“It’s the Waitress! She’s still at my place, and she won’t stop asking me to get money from Frank.”

Dee didn’t reply. She just went to her room and flopped on the bed, hoping that she’d pass out and Charlie wouldn’t notice. She wasn’t so lucky. Dee could feel the bed dip next to her and she screwed her eyes shut harder.

“Dee what’s wrong with the Waitress? Why is she being like this?” Charlie asked quietly. Dee sighed, and resigned herself to the fact this was happening.

“Charlie I told you this before. She’s always been a whiny clingy bitch. Don’t you remember how she clung onto Dennis for so long even though he treated her like shit? And how she’s treated _you_ like shit for fifteen years – even though you probably deserved it. She slept with Frank for Christ sake! And she was willing to sleep with you if we paid her. She’s probably only doing this because she’s trying to drive you away whilst scoring some of Frank’s money.”

Dee felt both elated and sad after her small rant. Ripping on the Waitress was always fun, and she was glad to vent and release some of her frustrations, but as she looked up and saw Charlie’s face she wasn’t sure it was the right thing to say. He looked pathetic and she didn’t feel good.

“But I love her Dee. This was supposed to fix things between us and begin our epic life.”

“If you love her why are you here and not at your place with your potential baby mama.” Dee asked tiredly. She doubted she was going to get through to him.

“I thought you’d know what was up with her! You’re a girl, why has she changed now we banged?”

“She hasn’t changed Charlie! That’s what I’ve been saying over and over! She has _always_ been this way. Maybe you just wanted to bang her and now that’s done you’re seeing her properly?”

“No I don’t think it’s that.” Charlie answered, and he scratched at his beard looking deep in thought. “I didn’t even really want to sleep with her, I just knew the baby thing was the best way to get her to love me.”

“What do you mean you didn’t want to bang her? I thought she was the love of your life?”

“I mean yeah she is, but I’ve just never thought about that bit. I just knew we would be together forever.”

Dee didn’t really know how to answer but she wasn’t really surprised. Charlie had never really pursued women in the same way as the others, and she could count on one hand the amount of people he’d slept with. She moved on.

“Okay then not the sex. Charlie, have you considered you just don’t love her?”

“What do you mean? Of course I love her.”

“Okay then tell me what you love about her? What is it _exactly_ that makes you love her?”

Charlie was silent for a few moments. His face looked pained and he was obviously trying to rack his brains for something to say.

“Well. I’ve always loved her. Ever since high school. You don’t need a reason right? When it’s true love?”

“I guess not but there should be at least something you can say about her that would explain why you love her? What was the first you noticed about her? What is your favourite thing about her? How does she make you feel?”

“She makes me feel useful I guess, and I like her hair?”

Dee rolled her eyes.

“That’s pathetic Charlie. You could get a pet cat and get the same effect. And the cat would be more grateful and less whiny.”

Charlie was quiet once again.

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.” He said softly. “Maybe I don’t love her.”

Dee looked over to him and saw the way Charlie was staring apathetically at nothing, looking lost and half broken. She felt a twinge in her chest when she looked at him. Distantly she realised that it was more than what she felt when Dennis left.

“It’s just something to think about Charlie.” She said gently, and nudged Charlie with her leg. He nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight?”

“I was already planning on it, but um, I’ll get back to the sofa then. Thanks Dee.”

“No I mean, stay here. In the bed. I don’t mind. I mean I shared it with Mac and Dennis and Old Black Man for so long I don’t mind having another person here.” The words spilled out of her before she could stop herself. Charlie wasn’t laughing at her babbling though he just smiled and nodded.

“I’m gonna brush my teeth and then I’m gonna pass out.” Dee told Charlie, and she turned and almost ran to bathroom.

When she was got back into the bedroom Charlie was already under the covers and seemed to be fast asleep. Dee slipped under the quilt gently, trying not to disturb him. Just as she was drifting off to sleep Dee swore to herself that she was imagining the arm she felt encircle her waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love the idea of dee thinking that artemis tries really hard to appear mysterious and cool (because thats what she does) but doesn't realise that thats just the way artemis is. she really is an enigma.
> 
> next chapter: gang auditions and there's a surprise visitor? who could it be!
> 
> chapter should be up hopefully within a fortnight, life is super busy at the minute but you can always shoot me an ask on tumblr to bother me to write if you're really desperate.
> 
> it was nice to write a dee-centric chapter and i hope i did her justice
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.betanoiz.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/drh0rrible)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One week later. The gang holds auditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey its the last chapter! hope it comes across the way i wanted it too
> 
> I hit 10k words on my word document for that and i realised that this fic is longer than my dissertation that i'm currently slaving over hly fuck

Mac had been having a great week. Despite his initial nerves, he’d taken the plunge with Rex and the sex had been _awesome._ Rex had only come over a few times that week but they’d spent all their time together in the bedroom (and on the sofa, and in the shower, and on the kitchen table) making sure that Mac knew everything there was to know about gay sex. Mac had been floating on the high of his orgasms all week. He didn’t realise sex could be like this. Even work had been sort of fun, Dee had been less screechy this week and Charlie wasn’t freaking out about the Waitress every second. Everyone was a bit quieter than usual, but Mac was content enough. He was sure everything would be fixed as soon as they picked the new gang member. 

And today was the day. Dee had called to make sure that he was still coming in early to help get the bar ready, and that his pick knew when to come over. They’d gone over the details a million times but Mac did appreciate the reminder.

He text Rex as he made his way into the bar, to make sure that he was still coming, and received a confirmation as well a few dirty texts about what he was planning on doing once the auditions were over. Mac grinned and sent back some eggplant emojis.

The gang better decide that Rex was the best choice because he had a pretty sweet thing going now, and it would only get better once Rex moved in.

When Mac got to Paddy’s it was only Charlie who was there, and he was sitting at the bar and drinking a beer. There was a big cardboard box on the bar with a big ‘C’ drawn on it.

“What’s with the box dude?”

Charlie didn’t even look up as he answered.

“You’ll have to wait and see.”

Mac just shrugged and went behind the bar to get himself a drink. Charlie still hadn’t looked at him and he looked deep in thought, which was odd for Charlie.

“Are you ready for today?” Mac asked, and at that Charlie looked up. “For the audition thing? Did you find someone for the new member?”

Mac was worried for a second that Charlie had forgotten, as much as he wanted Rex to be part of the gang, he knew the whole audition process would be fun.

“Yup I’m ready! I think I found the perfect new member.”

“Not as good as mine bro. I know you’ll all like him.”

Charlie scoffed and then smirked. 

Yeah the auditions were definitely going to be fun. He loved when they all got competitive, and this was definitely going to be an exciting day. It’d only been a week since Dennis left but a week without schemes was a _long_ week.

 

* * *

Dee breezed into work about an hour later, Frank was still absent but none of them seemed to notice or care. They all worked on cleaning the bar and getting the place set up for the auditions, and they’d all decided on a list of questions and scenarios for the candidates. It was all going according to plan for once.

“Wassup guys.” Frank announced to the room as he walked in. Mac looked up from his perch on the barstool, he was on his own in the bar as Dee and Charlie had gone down to the basement to check on the kegs. 

“Heyo. All set for today?”

“What’s today?”

“The auditions?” Mac said, and then clarified when Frank still looked confused. “For the new gang member?”

“I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”

Mac groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Are you serious? We were all meant to pick someone new for the gang!” Mac exclaimed, annoyed at Frank’s stupid senior brain. Frank just grumbled at him and waved him off, before disappearing into the office.

Mac checked his phone and saw that Rex was on his way and that cheered him up at least. He couldn’t understand why his friends couldn’t stick to even the simplest plan, when they all _promised_ they would find someone. They were all meant do this together; it was a really important plan! This was about the very make up of the gang for Christ’s sake.

Mac shouted out of frustration and rested his head on the bar, and instantly regretted it when he felt the sticky surface. He remained as he was though until he heard Charlie and Dee’s voices coming up the steps from the basement.

“Frank didn’t pick a candidate guys.” Mac announced as soon as they walked through the door.

It took Dee and Charlie moment to process what he said, it seemed like he had interrupted their conversation. Dee was the one who answered first.

“Sweet. Less competition for us.”

“Yeah but we were supposed to all do this together. It’s about the _gang_ you know.” Mac stressed to them, but he was only given an eye roll from Dee and a half-hearted shrug from Charlie. He didn’t understand why they weren’t as bothered as he was about this, maybe they didn’t care about the gang as much as he did.

“When are your picks getting here?” Dee asked, breaking the awkward silence that was falling.

“Mine’s on the way, he’ll be here in about ten minutes.” Mac replied, feeling lighter already, thinking about Rex.

“Mine’s already here.” Charlie said cryptically.

“What the fuck are you talking about Charlie, we’re the only ones here.”

Instead of replying to Mac, Charlie just shrugged his shoulders again and wandered off to the bathroom.

“He is being even weirder than usual. Do you know what’s up with him?” Mac asked.

“He’s got a lot on his mind I think.”

“A lot on his mind? Charlie?”

“Yeah. He’s got shit going on too Mac. We all do. It’s not just you.” Dee said, her voice getting more forceful as she spoke.

“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about Dee. I’m happy.” Mac argued. And he was. Sure he was angry with Dennis for leaving, but that was just because it was completely random and had fucked up their current plans, and he was worried about the gang and bar falling apart, but he was _happy_! This week with Rex had been amazing, and he had the big bedroom in the apartment all to himself.

Dee snorted. It was an unattractive noise, but Mac didn’t really have the energy to insult her. It was less fun with Dennis or Charlie here anyway.

“What about your pick then? When is he getting here?” Mac asked, trying to get back to the actual conversation.

“They’ll be here in about 15 minutes.” She replied, and added under her breath. “I fucking _hope_ they will be.”

“Your pick about to bolt Dee?” He teased. “Doesn’t sound like he’ll make it in the gang.”

Dee scoffed.

“My pick is perfect for the gang. You have _no_ idea.”

Mac was about to respond when he heard the front door open. He frowned for a second when he saw Artemis walk in before it clicked that this must be Dee’s pick.

“What’s up bitches? Your new gang member has arrived, and shit’s about to get _freaky_.” Artemis announced as she walked in, looking as though she owned the damn place.

“Um. Dee.” Mac said slowly, still processing. “I thought we agreed no more women for the gang?”

“You may have said that but I never agreed.”

Once again Mac was interrupted, this time by both the front door and Charlie crashing out of the bathroom.

The sounds distracted Mac enough from the conversation and the Artemis situation, and he looked up to see Rex walking in. He promptly hopped off his stool and walked over to greet him.

“Hey man, I’m glad you could make it.” Mac said, as he grabbed Rex’s outstretched hand and pulled him into a one armed hug.

“This is your pick? _This_ cardio-turkey?” Dee shrieked.

“Uh, hey Dee.” Rex said awkwardly, with an equally awkward wave.

“I’m not speaking to you right now jerk-off, I’m speaking to that hypocrite.” 

Mac rolled his eyes.

“What are you talking about Dee?”

“What am I talking about Mac? I’m talking about the fact that you all decided I couldn’t have Artemis as my pick because she banged Frank, and now you’re picking someone who I’ve banged?”

“It’s completely different Dee! Artemis is a chick and would get all clingy and weird, but Rex is chill. And quite frankly Dee, you’re a whore and I don’t know a single guy in the city you haven’t banged.” Mac argued, secretly pleased at his quick response.

Dee however didn’t look flustered in the slightest, much to his surprise she just raised her eyebrows and smirked.

“Oh really? A chick is gonna be the one to fuck up our dynamic because of _feelings_? So how come we’ve been having to deal with you and Dennis’ drama for 20 years but when I banged Charlie nothing changed?”

It took Mac a few seconds to process what she just said; he was half way to calling her a bird when the words sunk in.

“Um. What.” He replied, articulately.

“I banged Charlie three years ago! And nothing changed. None of you boners even noticed.”

Out of the corner of his eye Mac could see Charlie shuffling towards the basement door.

“Charlie.” Mac said slowly, turning towards his best friend – who was currently looking anywhere except from at Mac.

“Bro. Is this true? C’mon. Surely even your standards aren’t that low.” Mac implored, hoping that Dee was lying. He couldn’t take this, he couldn’t take another thing that was changing.

“Uh. I mean. Technically. I guess. From a certain point of view. That happened.” Charlie stuttered.

“What about your stupid rule now? Too many people have banged each other, can we just admit now that it won’t mess up the dynamic?”

Mac spluttered, trying to come up with an argument but he was still trying to process everything that was happening right now and Dee had carried on talking due to his silence.

“And let’s not pretend you weren’t trying to bang Rex, we all know you didn’t pick him for his brains. So you’re a _double_ hypocrite.” Dee announced, still as smug as ever.

This time though she was wrong! And before Mac had chance to think it through he was correcting her.

“Actually I’m _not_ trying. I’ve already banged him!” he shouted back at Dee triumphantly. He realised what he’d admitted as soon as Dee laughed shrilly at him.

“Mac you’re a fucking idiot. So not only have I proved that your ‘chick feeling’ rule is wrong, but your no banging rule is _doubly_ broken with Rex?”

Mac just shrugged helplessly, he couldn’t think of a reply.

“You haven’t got a leg to stand on! Just admit you’re wrong and let Artemis audition, or Rex is out too and we have to settle for whoever Charlie picked.”

“Okay fine.” Mac conceded. “Artemis can audition.”

The two candidates were sitting at the bar staring at the two of them with rapt attention, and unsurprisingly neither of them seemed spooked by it. Good, Mac thought, now as soon as Charlie revealed his pick they’d be able to get on with the fun.

However before they could do this the front door swung open once again. The next person who walked in was definitely not Charlie’s pick.

* * *

When Dee turned around and saw who walked in, she thought her eyes were playing tricks for a second. The figure of her twin brother, wearing a ratty t-shirt and sporting flat hair, had to be a hallucination. Maybe Charlie had slipped some acid in her beer? 

“Uh hey guys.” Dennis said, probably aiming for casual – and as usual, missing the mark by a mile.

No one answered. They were all staring at him in the same way. Well, all except Rex.

“Hey man! How have you been?” he greeted easily, getting off his stool to stand next to Mac.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dennis snapped. And then he caught himself, and tried to look friendly.

“Ah sorry to snap man, I’ve had a long flight. I didn’t realise the guys would have company.”

“No worries.” Rex replied, still grinning. Dennis stopped looking at Rex and flicked his eyes between Dee, Mac and Charlie.

“Where’s the baby mama?” Artemis asked. He snapped his head towards Artemis, face looking flushed for a second.

“Can someone who actually works here tell me what the fuck is going on here?” Dennis asked slowly, and Dee could tell his rage was just about boil over.

“We’re having auditions. To replace you.” Dee said evenly, breaking the sudden Paddy’s staff silence.

“Replace me?” Dennis sounded completely lost.

“Yes. Since you ran away to North Dakota with zero notice, we were down a bartender and the gang dynamic was all over the place.”

“I was only gone a week!”

Mac laughed at this, and Dennis whipped his head round towards the sound.

“You said you were leaving to be a dad Dennis! We all thought you were gone for good. You can’t blame us for wanting to get staff. And I needed a new roommate sooo.” Mac let his words drift off.

“You’re all fucking replacing me!”

Dee felt something snap.

“Do you blame us? Dennis you do not get to walk in here after fucking off, with your secret love child, without a second glance, without a care for us, and act as though we’re the ones in the wrong.” She spat at him, relishing in the shocked expression on his pale face.

“Charlie!” She shouted, and then spoke softer, trying to regain her calm. “I need a cigarette.”

She walked out of the bar and didn’t wait for Charlie to follow, and she didn’t look back at Dennis’ reaction either. Mac could deal with him.

“Fuck.” She shouted out to the street and soon as the door closed behind them. Dee sat down on the curb and waited for Charlie to sit down and hand her a light.

“I can’t believe he just waltzed back in like that.” She said, softly now. Charlie didn’t say anything, just sat down next to her – close enough that their thighs were touching. He lit her outstretched cigarette and grabbed one for himself.

“I knew he wouldn’t last.” Charlie said quietly. Dee hummed in agreement, none of them had really though Dennis could be dad in the suburbs like a normal person.

“I’m just mad that he thought our whole lives would be on pause just because he left, that he thought nothing would be different.” Dee took a long drag from her cigarette, and the nicotine was almost as good as crack in that moment. Charlie put his hand on her thigh and rested it there, just touching lightly.

“Like I know it was only a week, but it doesn’t matter how long he was gone for. He left. He says he loves me when he’s scared but it turns out that doesn’t mean shit.” Dee could feel herself getting hysterical as she spoke, and her eyes were stinging with tears. The pain that she knew she should’ve felt when he left initially was rushing over her now. She leant on Charlie and he put his arm around her shoulders. Dee pretended that Charlie didn’t smell like cat food and piss.

“We’ll sort it out Dee. We always do.” He pulled her tighter. “At least he’s home now.”

Dee snorted at the absurdity of it.

“Yeah. Home.” She took another drag. “What a fucking home it is.”

Charlie laughed. He turned to look at her and his face had a strange look on it.

“Can I kiss you?”

Dee thought about calling him a pussy for asking, when he’d never asked permission before, but instead she just nodded her head and let him lean in. She dropped her cigarette as they kissed slowly, but she was only distantly aware of it. This kiss was nothing like last time, which was hot and dirty, this was gentle and _sweet_.

They pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together and Dee laughed. It was absurd. All of it. She didn’t know what to say, so she said the first thing that popped in her head.

“I would not want to be Rex right now. In between those two.”

* * *

 

 Mac was still in such a state of shock that it took him a few moments to realise that Artemis was trying to speak to him.

“Hey asshole? Where’s Frank? I’m bored of this now.”

“Um. Back room I think.” He replied slowly, as soon as the words settled in his head. She wandered off in search of Frank and left Mac alone with Dennis and Rex. The latter seemed to have finally caught on to the tension in the room, and looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“Maybe I should go? I can come back later if you still need a bartender.” Rex suggested. Mac nodded and smiled at him but he suddenly felt unsure in his actions now that Dennis was here staring at him. When Rex leant over to kiss his cheek Mac let him, but he looked at the floor until he heard Rex leave. By time he looked up again Dennis was behind the bar and pouring himself a shot.

“So um. What happened with Mindy?” Mac asked quietly, hoping for some normality.

“First of all it’s Mandy, and I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Dennis replied with an equally calm tone. “Why was Rex kissing you?” he asked innocently.

“Uh. I think it’s a gay guy thing? You know he’s bi? It’s a real thing apparently.” Mac replied. He didn’t know why he wasn’t bragging to Dennis that he’d been banging Rex – after all he was definitely the hottest person Mac had ever landed.

“Whatever. I don’t care about Rex.”

“Really? You could’ve fooled me. You’re being so pissy and I don’t understand why.”

“Because I leave for one week and you’ve got a beefcake fawning all over you and kissing you and you’re acting like its totally normal!” Dennis was pacing behind the bar as he spoke.

Mac just shrugged, he still wasn’t completely sure what had set Dennis off.

“I bet you’ve been comparing him to me this entire time!” Dennis shouted.

“Why would I do that?”

“All of you set out to replace me the moment I left! But at least Dee picked a girl, and god knows what Charlie and Frank would have chosen. But _you_. You didn’t just want a new best friend, you needed a new roommate and new beefcake to drool over!” Dennis’ words got sharper, and more venomous. Mac realised with sudden clarity that Dennis was right, but not completely.

“Maybe I was trying to replace you. But you know what? Maybe Rex is better than you. At least he listens to me and doesn’t demean me constantly and fuck with my head.” Mac was shaking, rage he didn’t know he had been feeling towards Dennis suddenly rising up.

“That brainless meathead is nothing compared to me, and you have to realise that. This is desperate even for you.”

“You know what Dennis, you’re the one who’s desperate. You left with barely a goodbye! And now you expect us to all forgive you without a second thought? And even if I am desperate it doesn’t matter because Rex actually likes that! He likes me! He doesn’t want me to change and he doesn’t constantly tell me he hates me despite controlling my whole life.”

Dennis snorted at this.

“And you know what the best part is Dennis? He’s fucking me. He’s a quality lay and don’t care who knows it!”

Mac was expecting Dennis to be shocked or at least impressed, but he still looked furious.

“You’re pathetic! You wouldn’t know a quality lay if it bit you on ass.”

“Well actually….”

“Shut _up_ Mac. You only think he’s good because it’s the first satisfying sex you’ve had in forty years.” Dennis spat. It was technically true, Mac thought, but Rex _was_ good for him and this week with him had been amazing.

“Why are you so against Rex? I know he banged Dee, and that’s super gross, but I’m willing to overlook that.”

“You’re replacing me-“

“No I’m not Dennis! He’s nothing like you and you know it!” Mac interrupted. He was sick of Dennis’ self-involved bullshit.

“Yes exactly, I have a much more regal bone structure and actually finished high school unlike that _Neanderthal_.”

“Dude I don’t understand what you’re saying. Look I’m sorry we wanted to get a new gang member, but you were gone. And Rex has nothing to do with you.”

“He does!” Dennis shouted, he downed a shot and threw the glass on the ground.

“Dennis who I fuck has nothing to do with you!”

“You’re supposed to want _me_ so I’m confused as to why you’re fucking around with that idiot!”

Mac felt an ache in his chest, like Dennis had reached in and squeezed his insides so he couldn’t breathe or think or anything.

He didn’t think Dennis knew, hell, he could barely admit it to himself. He knew that he and Dennis were closer than best friends were usually, but it wasn’t till he came out that he let himself think about what his feelings for Dennis actually were. But Dennis seemed oblivious to it all. Dennis hadn’t said anything after the Valentine’s Day present, or after Mac suggested they fake date or after he’d replicated their apartment. Then he’d left. Without an explanation. So Mac did what the gang did best and pushed it down.

“You didn’t care about who I wanted when you left Dennis.” Mac said quietly.

“I just- I don’t know how to – do this.”

“Do what?” Mac said, walking closer to the bar.

“You can’t keep fucking Rex. I won’t let you.”

“Why not Dennis? I told you I don’t want you to control me no more.” Mac wasn’t angry as he spoke now, he was more curious. He kept walking towards Dennis who was looking anywhere but directly at Mac.

“Because – because you’re mine.” He said, almost too softly to hear.

Mac was behind the bar now, and close enough to grab Dennis.

“Sure as shit wasn’t yours when you walked out on me.” Mac dropped the us, knowing that this was a different conversation and Charlie and Dee didn’t factor in anymore.

“I’m sorry.”

“What was that?” Mac asked, incredulous. He was sure that he had misheard.

“I’m _sorry_.” He said more forcefully this time. Mac smiled.

“Sorry for what?” he asked sweetly, his smile spreading into a grin.

“I’m sorry for leaving you okay? I’m sorry for running away and pretending that I didn’t want to sleep next to you and I’m sorry for not thanking you properly for the RPG.”

Mac ran his fingers along Dennis’ scruffy chin.

“You can thank me now if you want. I might forgive you and accept your apology.”

Dennis rolled his eyes but he was smiling too. Mac leant forward and softly kissed Dennis, relishing the feel of Dennis’ soft lips against his and the weight of his hands on his hips. He kept one hand on Dennis’ jaw and Mac brought the other to small of Dennis’ back. They were pulled close together and even though Dennis tasted like stale beer and had obviously neglected his beauty regime in the week he’d been away, it was the best feeling in the world.

Mac pulled away after a few minutes of soft kissing.

“Does this mean I can keep the gym in the apartment?”

Dennis rolled his eyes. Nothing was fixed, not by a long shot, but Mac would take this for now – he’d take it over anything else anyone offered.

* * *

 A few hours and a lot of shots later, Mac suddenly remembered something.

“Hey Charlie, who was your pick?” Mac asked. “We never got round to it in the end.”

Charlie grinned and disappeared for a second under the bar. He resurfaced holding the box Mac saw when he first arrived that morning.

“Here he is!” Charlie announced, and before any of them could question what he meant Charlie opened up the box and pulled out a small sleeping kitten.

“This is Kitten. Maybe he can be our mascot now that Dennis is back?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the ending wasn't too silly i just love the idea of charlie wanted their fifth gang member to be a cat
> 
> if it seems like the internal perspectives switch very fast its probably for two reasons, 1) i headcanon that the gang just resolutely do not think of difficult things even if they are aware of them - they dont have to be oblivious to be in denial, and 2) i didn't want this to be a super long fic with long fleshed out internal monologues bc that isn't sunny and i don't have the time or the attention span
> 
> anyways i really really hope you all liked this fic, i did work hard and i haven't done a multi chap fic in so long 
> 
> pleeease come talk to me on tumblr or twitter if u wanna discuss the show because i have so many feelings - or my dissertation i guess because i keep bringing it up 
> 
> [tumblr](http://www.betanoiz.tumblr.com)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/drh0rrible)


End file.
